Anyway my mate and I delivered a perfectly cooked turkey to table on Christmas day along with all the other accoutrements (and extra veg for my personal use as only I like sprouts and swede; this isn't 5 a day family unless chocolate counts as one of the 5), and I cooked dinner for sister and brother-in-law the day before, so feel I have got my domestication scouts badge. They had also managed to acquire a huge ham and more bacon than I had seen in one place that wasn't still attached to a pig, but over the festive period we succeeded in consuming it by wrapping it round turkeys and sausages (yes the porcine population took a bit of a hit.)
Still, as a strong believer in the commercial side of Christmas, I always think Christmas is mostly about kids and presents. (I know, not very PC, but I hate carols, nativity plays and all that Dickens stuff.) So I was pleased my main present to young son went down pretty well. Obviously I went for the high-risk strategy - I bought him a replica civil war sword - not a toy, but not, you will be pleased to hear, actually with a sharpened blade. Anyway, main thing is the lad was pretty taken with it. Luckily he was persuaded not to take it with him to church. The good news is he made it to the end of the year without decapitating anyone. My concience is clear. Any collateral damage hereafter is someone else's responsibility. But all in all, the kids were lovely, and I think my adult presents went down well, so combined with the cooking and washing up I feel I earned my keep, which is always a concern if one falls into the waifs and strays category at Christmas.
Not all sedentary or domesticated I should add. We did do some walking, as my friends have Cheshire meres on their doorstep. Also gave dad the chance to look at some birds (yes he is a little bit on the twitcher side), and junior the opportunity to try and push me in the lake. The bad news is that I know by next year he will be bigger than me and so I may have to appeal to the better side of his nature in future rather than mere size.
As I was staying for the duration of the festive period (so I had lots of washing-up to do), I also joined in other family excursions. This included a trip to see Sherlock Holmes at the Runcorn multi-plex. Now in any survey of great places to live, Runcorn never features. Which is entirely fair. The multiplex sits in a retail park which is a long way from the Westfields experience. It looks like the back of a number of lorry trailers were just abandoned there for shoppers to grab what they like.
The film went down well enough with everyone, though for me it falls between a number of stools - not funny enough to be a comedy (excepting Stephen Fry's cameo role which is perfect as one would expect), as an action film its not got enough action and there is almost no detective side to it at all. And the gay sub-text which the kids were so excited at spotting doesn't work for me. Not the best bromance one will see.
Another trip was up to Carnforth on the edge of the Lake District to see more extended wings of their family. After lunch I took the opportunity to escape the chat and chocolate eating to join a small party walking the dog before it got dark. Great landscape but my goodness it was windy. The sort of wind you can lean against. It made breathing in pretty easy, but exhaling took all the muscles of one's diaphragm on top form to complete.
A visit to the Manchester Museum of Science and Industry seemed a good way of keeping a 12 year-old away from the computer games too. Big collection of planes and other bits and bobs contained in a series of industrial buildings. But never sure that these things really work. More reading value than appearance. Big bits of old machinery just don't offer much to look at. So we then retired to a Starbucks for refreshment. Now I am not a great frequenter of coffee shops, in part because I am quite happy with any vaguely brown coffee flavoured liquid and have no idea what to order when given extended choice. But this had a festive menu which included an eggnog latte. It was, you will be pleased to hear, every bit as vile as it sounds, but I like the thrill of trying something new. However awful. And I also wish they would just let you order big, medium and small, and none of these "tall" or "grande" sizes. After all, its not like asking for condoms. Small is a perfectly respectable request. And after all I had just ordered an eggnog coffee - there could be no greater shame surely?
That left the New Year, which meant a drive down to Exeter to stay with mutual friends from Oxford. We piled down the motorway on a pretty filthy day, stopping only to eat at a McDonalds service station. Now here is a surprising tip. A McDonalds salad is really very edible. Clearly they don't get many requests for one as they had to ask specially "at the back" for me to see if they had any in stock. But it was most agreeable, although the kids thought I was mad ordering a salad and no fries. At least I suspect my lettuce had been grown in more humane conditions than their nuggetted chickens.
Now I have to say this New Year party is not like most others that will have taken place around the country. I feel very much an interloper at these affairs, not so much because of my lack of family to add to the milieu, but because they are all scientists. So party games involve magnets and trying to build models of molecules, and I doubt there would be another party in the country where the post New Year conversation strayed from the fireworks we had watched over the Thames on TV to the state of molecular hydrogen at Jupiter's core. At least I think that was what the conversation had strayed to, but maybe it was just the weather. In any event I was a bit out of my depth. When I say scientists, I should point out that our host is head of physics at Exeter University and there are two other research physicists in the group, one involved with the Hadron Collider, and anyone who doesn't do science teaches it, or at least maths. And one can't take refuge with the kids as the host's 12 year old son has knowledge way above mine. And almost certainly yours too, so don't feel smug. He and one of the other 12 year olds came in asking for an allen key. Naturally a slight concern at why it was wanted. Apparently to dismantle a car mirror. This left me with the fear over the exact stage they were at and was this just the last part of someone's car that they had otherwise managed to completely take apart.
Was very impressed that such a modest house could take so many people and still have room for the kids to carry out a nerf gun war. And to add to the excitement, we even had a small fire in the kitchen. But with scientists of course they had a smoke alarm AND a fire blanket to hand. But like everyone else, we ate too much and overall a great time was had by all. I am just grateful there are so many folks willing to take in a waif or stray at Xmas. And that I am short enough to sleep on a sofa.
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